The most useful long distance relationship tips are simple: talk in a steady rhythm, share ordinary moments, plan the next visit and agree on where the relationship is heading. This guide gives 12 of them, drawn from university research and extension guidance, and explains what the evidence can and cannot tell you.
Most of these long distance relationship tips cost little and take only minutes, so you can start with one this week.
It is general information, not therapy.
Key Takeaways
- A 2013 Cornell study of daily diaries found long-distance couples felt as intimate as, and in some cases more intimate than, couples living close by.
- Cornell’s Faculty and Staff Assistance Program suggests setting an end date for the separation and planning visits around shared interests.
- Gottman’s conflict skills, such as a soft startup and repair, work over a phone or video call as well as in person.
- The best long distance relationship tips are about rhythm, honesty and a shared plan, not constant contact.
- Control, constant monitoring or fear are warning signs. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is at 800.799.SAFE (7233).
What the Research Says About Long Distance Relationships
The Cornell Chronicle reported on a 2013 study by Crystal Jiang and Jeffrey Hancock in the Journal of Communication. Long-distance and geographically close couples kept daily diaries, and the researchers collected 876 diaries covering 3,024 interactions.
Long-distance partners reported fewer interactions per day but used more calls, video chats and texts. They also felt more intimate and disclosed more to each other, especially through text-based and mobile media.
Hancock described a “hyperpersonal” effect, in which people idealize a partner to make up for the distance. That can feel wonderful, and it can also set up a gap between the partner you imagine and the person you meet in real life.
This was a study of dating couples reported through a news release, so treat it as one useful finding, not a promise. The most practical long distance relationship tips below build on what the diaries show: steady, honest, personal contact.
It also helps to know what the study did not measure. It did not follow couples over many years, and it cannot say which couples later stayed together or moved to the same city.
Long Distance Relationship Tips for Daily Communication
Communication is where most couples start, so it is also where small changes pay off fastest. Think of it as building a habit together, not a test of how much you care.
Frequency matters less than rhythm, which is why the first long distance relationship tips focus on a steady pattern. Cornell’s Faculty and Staff Assistance Program guide even cautions against talking by phone too often, and notes that routine messages can go stale over time.
- Agree on a rhythm. Pick a few call times that suit both schedules, and say in advance when you will be busy.
- Share ordinary details. The same Cornell guide suggests talking about everyday life so you stay woven into each other’s days.
- Use video when you can. Seeing each other keeps the connection vivid.
- Vary the channel. A voice note or a short text can say “I am thinking of you” without needing a long call.
These long distance relationship tips protect against the boredom that can creep into repeated check-ins. They also make it easier to keep talking when one of you has a rough day and little energy to spare.
Long Distance Relationship Tips for Planning Visits and the Future
Distance is easier to carry when it has an end, and these long distance relationship tips help you plan one. The Cornell guide recommends setting an end date for the separation, because knowing when it will finish helps each person stay hopeful and motivated.
- Set an end date or a review date. If an exact date is impossible, agree on when you will next discuss the plan.
- Plan visits ahead. Cornell suggests scheduling activities your partner enjoys during your time together.
- Meet halfway when you can. If the distance is reasonable, a meal or coffee halfway can fill the gap between longer visits.
- Make a countdown. A daily photo calendar with a note about what you love in your partner can build anticipation.
Without a shared plan, the guide warns, a relationship can grow distant even with good communication. A plan also turns “someday” into steps both of you can see.
Long Distance Relationship Tips for Keeping It Fun
Shared experiences matter as much as conversation, so the next long distance relationship tips are about fun. Greater Good in Action, from UC Berkeley, describes research linking exciting shared activities with less boredom and higher rated relationship quality, which is why novelty is worth building into video dates.
- Do something together on screen. Cook the same recipe, watch a film at the same time or play an online game or chess.
- Try a question game. UC Berkeley’s 36 questions for increasing closeness work over a call as well as in person.
- Send unexpected mail. Cornell suggests letters, cards and packages, and even a scented shirt as a physical reminder.
Date night ideas at home can be adapted for two screens, and a list of What Makes a Relationship Last: 6 Proven Findings pairs well with these long distance relationship tips.
Handling Trust, Jealousy and Conflict From a Distance
Cornell’s guide says trust in each other’s lives apart is essential, and that partners should work on it deliberately if it is not already there. It also advises discussing expectations openly so differences can be resolved as they arise.
Conflict is harder through a screen, because tone is easy to misread. Good long distance relationship tips for hard moments are mostly about slowing down. The Texas Military Department summarizes Gottman’s six conflict skills: soften the startup, accept influence, make repairs, de-escalate, soothe yourself and your partner, and compromise.
- Handle disagreements with a soft startup and a repair. Start with a specific request, such as “I felt left out when we skipped our call, can we plan the next one?” If it gets heated, say “I need to calm down, can we try again in an hour?”
Utah State University Extension also recommends five communication skills that work at any distance. For more on this topic, see BitComfy’s guide to How to Fix a Relationship: 7 Proven Steps From Research.
How to Choose Which Tips to Start With
You do not need to try everything at once. Choose the one or two long distance relationship tips that fit your biggest gap right now, such as a missing end date or calls that feel flat.
If you feel disconnected, start with a shared activity. If you feel uncertain about the future, start with the end date conversation, because the Cornell guide links a clear endpoint with hope and motivation.
Review your choices after a few weeks and swap in new long distance relationship tips if something is not working. Keeping the plan flexible is part of the plan. It also lets both partners feel heard, since each person gets a say in what changes.
A Simple Weekly Plan Using These Tips
Here is a template that puts the tips together. Adjust the times to your time zones and moods.
| Day | Action | Purpose |
|---|---|---|
| Monday | Short voice note | Start the week connected |
| Wednesday | Video call with a shared task | Fun and novelty |
| Friday | Check-in on the week | Honest conversation |
| Sunday | Plan the next visit | Keep the future visible |
This table is an illustration, not a tested program. Long distance relationship tips work best when they fit your real schedule. Skip a day if you are both tired, and keep what feels natural.
When Distance Becomes a Warning Sign
Some patterns are not about distance. love is respect lists tries to control or isolate you, humiliating you, and disrespecting your boundaries as signs of an unhealthy relationship.
If a partner demands constant check-ins, tracks your location against your wishes or punishes you for time with friends, that is control, not a long distance relationship tip. Call 800.799.SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788 to talk with an advocate.
Cornell also cautions that people should be allowed to grow as individuals, and that it is unhealthy to expect either partner to stay the same. A relationship that needs constant proof is a signal to talk, and sometimes to get help from a counselor.
BitComfy’s guide to Signs of True Love: 9 Great Behaviors Research Supports covers what healthy care looks like.
FAQs
Do long distance relationships really work?
They can. The Cornell diary study found long-distance couples felt as intimate as close couples, but the study was small and observational, and it does not predict any single couple’s outcome.
How often should we talk?
There is no set number. Cornell advises against talking by phone too often, so agree on a rhythm that suits both of you and adjust it as life changes.
How do we handle jealousy?
Name it early and calmly with an “I” statement, and avoid accusations or checking up. Trust is built through honest conversation and reliable follow-through.
When should we end it?
That is a personal decision. If the plan has no end date, trust keeps eroding or you feel afraid, speak with a counselor or a trusted person.
How do I keep a long distance relationship strong?
Agree on a rhythm of contact, plan visits and build trust through honest conversation. The Cornell diary study found long-distance couples felt as intimate as close couples, though it was small and observational.
Conclusion
The best long distance relationship tips come down to rhythm, honesty and a shared plan. Talk at a pace that suits you both, share ordinary moments, keep some novelty alive and agree on when the distance will end.
Your next step is small: choose one of these long distance relationship tips and agree on it with your partner this week.
Be patient with the rough weeks, because every couple has them. Progress here is built from many small, kind choices.
The evidence has limits. The Cornell study was a diary study of dating couples, the Cornell guide is practical advice, and neither can predict your own relationship. Treat this guide as a starting point, not a verdict on your relationship.
